One can hear the sound of whispering.
The multi-versatile tootbrush
It's impossible to buy a decent toothbrush anymore.
Only all purpose brushes, but who the fuck can use them to brush their teeth? While I'm generally in favor of all-purpose tools (I've never cared for the hysterical specialization of our present day), I've no interest of wiping my ass or cleaning the space between my toes with my toothbrush.
If you get my drift.
Today's toothbrushes come in all flavors and colors. You can bend them 45, 90, 360 degrees without breaking them. The brush itself is like a moon landscape full of rocks and one hell of an uneven surface. According to the commercials you can stick it into your mouth and practically brush your internal organs with it.
It's that versatile.
In fact, I myself see no end to possible uses for the modern toothbrush.
If you manage to grab and hold on to the damn thing, without losing it in the toilet (or something), that is.
The package is a chapter in itself. There's seemingly no limit to what length the designers have gone to to make us buy the classy, tasty product. You feel an irresistible urge to unwrap what may be the newest and most classy type of chocolate bar and eat it, you know, so be careful, okay?
I especially liked (the package in) one of those 360 degrees products. Everything is bending and stretching to the point where everything becomes a beautiful versatile... labyrinth. If you haven't been persuaded to buy the versatile product, I'm sure you can imagine the wonderful and intricate ways one must use one's brain to open it all.
The creativity and versatility and diversity of modern industry are truly surpassing all possible expectations, isn't it? It certainly makes me warm and cold, makes me tingle all over my root canal.
Me? I just want a toothbrush that works.
Perhaps I'm a bit of old-fashioned here, but bear with me for a while. You see, I've always believed that the purpose of a toothbrush was to help you brush your teeth. The versatile brush doesn't do that. It can do a lot of other things (at least I have found a lot of other uses for it).
It can't do what it says it can: Brush your teeth on the most difficult spots left and right of the fangs (the bloody fangs), under the root canal, under the tongue, between two teeth (or three) and they can certainly not... (here comes the punchline, are ya ready)... they can certainly not be used to brush our teeth on all the easy spots, places where a baby in the cradle can easily reach.
Something at least my old one-purpose brush was easily capable of.
What follows is a list of our new sponsors. Threat them well, because they're holding our fate in their hands: Monsanto, CCC, Nokia, Ericson, Pinkerton, the moguls of the music and movie industry, the moguls of any industry,
And individuals the editorial staff would include in our appreciation: W, Tony, Silvio, George (yes, we have already mentioned him, but what the hell), Robert Mugabe, Hans Moravec, Severino Antinori and the one and only John Howard.
Thank you for and good morning
The irresponsible editor
The sorcerer you need.
PS We are, of course holding our fate in our hands.
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